Thursday, September 12, 2013

Living In Unforgiveness


One of the hardest task God calls us to do is to forgive people who have done wrong things to us. I know I am tasked to do this with people who have done egregious and very painful things to myself and my family. But, how can I not, when God has forgiven me thru Jesus Christ death for my personal sins? Read John 3:16/17; 1 Corinthians 15:1-4.


For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.


In the natural world, some people hold grudges that become a cancer in their daily lives. As believers in Jesus Christ, we are called to walk in Forgiveness and Love with one another. In this world there will be many times in your life that even multiple times in a day, in an hour, in minutes that people will offend you, persecute you, wrong you, speak slander on you, seek to kill your spirit!! There are areas in my life that most people would say How on Earth could you forgive this act?  An example you ask?  No problem!


In my younger years I was married to a very abusive husband.  This person physically beat me, mentally tormented me, spoke false slander against me as a wife, kicked and punched our baby while in the womb,
in an attempt to kill his very own child.  I was six months pregnant at this time.  On that day, I screamed to try to get away in hopes someone would hear me.  He dragged me across the floor by my hair and continued to punch me.  He kicked me and punched me multiple times in my stomach.  I was eventually knocked unconscious.  When I came to, I was bleeding, bruised.  He was in the corner crying and I was terrified.  I dragged myself to the neighbors house and begged them not to call the police or he would kill me.  I told them to call a taxi so I could flee.  I was too afraid to call the police until I was out of harms way.  It was only Gods angels who carried me to safety.  I remember when the taxi driver arrived the gentleman said
'you need to have someone kill him for what he has done, you are pregnant!'.  I remained silent and onlu urged him to get me to my grandmothers house.


I arrived at my grandmothers house.  I crawled out of the taxi and frantically banged on the door.  My uncle opened the door.  I immediately seen shock and anger in his face for what had been done to me.  I had bite marks on my body, blood coming out of my ears, bruised and bleeding from my face, hemorrhaging from the womb. My grandmother cryed out 'God forgive him for what he has done!".  I did not understand at that time from her words how someone could pray for someone elses forgiveness in a circumstance as such.  In my mind, at this time, this was unforgivable.  He tried to kill me, kill our baby,  by literally kicking and stomping on my stomach.


This type of abuse went on for 10 years of marriage.  The scars from 10 years of living in this type of circumstances weighed heavy on my heart.  After leaving for the sake of my childrens safety and finalizing divorce, I lived in an angry, toxic state in my soul.  I hated this person.  I have physical scars from being abused, but the emotional scars were far greater.  I blamed myself for the abuse, maybe if I had been prettier, smarter, or worked harder as a wife, then just maybe he would have loved me and not abused me.  I sought to be all these things in hopes that it would prove to him that I was good enough.  No matter what I did, no matter what my success were, I did not measure up.  I lived in unforgiveness to myself for living in that unhealthy environment with my sons.  I could not forgive myself for what I had exposed them to, for what they endured, for their scars.....it became a cancer to my soul.


I knew God, but not his intimate forgiveness and love.  I went on with this unforgiveness and it affected every relationship in my life.  You see because unforgiveness is a doorway to so many other sins.  I became angry, bitter to even God! I would say God if your real why would you let this happen to me?  Why would you allow these scars?  Why did I deserve this God? To people on the outside world, I was so well put together. However, on the inside, I was falling apart.  I put on a show for the whole world, until one day I realized that I was living a lie to myself.  I realized that my unforgiveness toward myself was leading me to do things that I knew in my heart was not who I was. The worst reality was I forgot that behind closed doors my children were absorbing my unforgiveness because they were witnesses to my sadness, to my anger, to my grief.  I cryed out to God sobbing uncontrollably on my bedroom floor "Father forgive me for my unforgiveness, set me free from this pain and the invisible scars that no one but you can see!".  I thought with my earnest prayer I would instantly heal my heart.  I did receive instant forgiveness because that is how loving God is.  But, guess what, God wasn't finished!  You see he didn't just give me the easy route to just forgive myself.  I thought he would set me free and I had done what I was supposed to do.  But, in continuous prayer he urged me to forgive my ex husband who is a Muslim and does not know Jesus Christ as his Savior.  I again wrestled with God.  I said but why God, he hurt me so much! How can I forgive all those things that had been done in that season of my life with him?  God spoke back to me and said "did I not forgive you Crystal"?


God reminded me also through scripture, of  Mark 11:25-And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.  I had everything against my ex husband!  Immediately, conviction feel upon me.  In obedience I understood what I was commanded to do.  You see when we live in unforgiveness, we are only hurting ourselves spiritually, no matter how egregious the offense from another.  It holds us in bondage from being able to receive the gifts of God from releasing that.  There is purpose in pain.  I had a purpose to sow a seed even to my unbelieving ex husband by my own example and to my children also.  How will another person ever know of Gods love if we do not walk in love and forgiveness as Jesus example to us for dying on the cross for sins? We too needed forgiveness!


I spoke with my ex husband some time ago and told him I was praying for him and I forgive him for all of the abuse.  His reaction was not a reciprocated acceptance of the forgiveness and he never said I am sorry for anything.  It was ok with me, because in my heart I know and trust that God will work on his heart, as God is his creator also. I am thankful though that God gets the glory in this situation in my life, as a seed has been planted by leading a life of forgiveness even in the worst offenses.  I will continue to pray for my childrens father that he may also know Gods forgiveness and love.  I  do not harbor that hate or unforgiveness towards him anymore.  I feel free!


My brothers and sisters God calls you to act in the same manner.  Has God called you to forgive someone who wronged recently in your life or in your past  to forgive them? Are you being stubborn and ignoring that tug in your heart where you know you have to be the mature person and come to them to be forgiven or forgive and reconcile an offense? Or have you not forgiven your own self for self destruction?


I have seen miracles released in Gods forgiveness in some of the most horrific situations: murder, forgiving sexual molestation, domestic abuse, parental abandonment, and so many more! I urge you to get into prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to the deepest places in your heart where there is unforgiveness.  It will hurt, some old wounds  may be opened, but God will do a mighty healing in every area of your life when this is released!  I hope this speaks to someone, it did to me today. Life is too short for us live in such anger and unforgiveness.  I pray the Holy Spirit will cover you today and speak to any area in your life that God wants to release unforgiveness in.  Thank you Jesus for my personal release and I pray that this will reach many people who need to see this.


Heavenly Father thank you that your word does not return void and may these word written from the truth of my life go forth and multiply in the hearts of many hurting people.  Thank you for using my life as a vessel and example. To you God be all the glory!


In Christ Jesus Love,


Crystal




Here is a message from God to you:


 Dear son/daughter,


I love you and forgive you. Be obedient, forgive others/even yourself and let me do a work in your life. Unforgiveness hinders my ability to give you greater things beyond this world! You will need faith for your life's journey. In forgiving, you build faith. Go and be reconciled with me first and with your brothers and sisters!!!


Love ,

Your Heavenly Father





 Verses referencing Gods call for forgiveness:



Ephesians 4:32- ESV Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Colossians 3:13 ESV

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Luke 6:37 ESV

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;

Luke 17:3-4 ESV

Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Matthew 18:21-35 ESV

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. ...

Colossians 3:12-13 ESV

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Mark 11:25 ESV

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

Ephesians 4:26 ESV

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

Luke 6:27 ESV

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

Matthew 18:21-22 ESV

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 ESV

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ...

Proverbs 3:5 ESV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Proverbs 15:1 ESV

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Colossians 3:19 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Proverbs 25:21-22 ESV

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.

1 John 1:9 ESV

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Colossians 3:8 ESV

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

Matthew 5:21-24 ESV

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Ephesians 4:31 ESV

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Acts 7:59-60 ESV

And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.

Proverbs 15:18 ESV

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

Matthew 6:12 ESV

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Psalm 103:12 ESV

As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

John 3:16 ESV

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Matthew 5:19 ESV

Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

Proverbs 3:6 ESV

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

John 13:34-35 ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Matthew 6:14 ESV

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,

John 9:31 ESV

We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him.

Mark 11:25-27 ESV

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” And they came again to Jerusalem. And as he was walking in the temple, the chief priests and the scribes and the elders came to him,

Matthew 22:39 ESV

And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Luke 23:34 ESV

And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.


Matthew 6:15 ESV

But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Isaiah 55:7 ESV

Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.


Nehemiah 9:17 ESV

They refused to obey and were not mindful of the wonders that you performed among them, but they stiffened their neck and appointed a leader to return to their slavery in Egypt. But you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and did not forsake them.

Matthew 5:44 ESV

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

Luke 15:11-32 ESV

And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. ...





James 5:15 ESV

And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.










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